A lot of you likely followed finished that phrase with “who you know.” That may be somewhat true in business or political circles, but when it comes to life, I believe a better continuation of that statement is “what you ask.”
I propose three questions that can change your life.
Why?
No, I do not mean the now-cliché, “find your why” or “know your why” or any of the other bumper sticker encouragements that miss the point completely. Though the question “why?” when spoken incessantly by a two-year old can be irritating, there is a lot of value to the question if it is followed up appropriately. For decades, I guided my teams with “why before how.” Looking for “why” is philosophical, while using it to answer “how” turns thoughts into guided, focused action.
If the “why” for attending a workshop is to satisfy our employer’s HR policy requirements, we will likely much less interested, engaged and, ultimately, educated than if the “why” we are attending is because the topic is of interest and we want to gain knowledge or skills.
If the “why” a man and his teenage son are going fishing is because the economy is difficult and they are providing food for the family, the “how” of their fishing techniques, use of time, etc. are very different than if the reason for fishing is simply to have the opportunity for conversation, laughter and bonding.
“Why before how” applies to company newsletters and personal correspondence, nonprofit events and family birthday parties, going to a meeting or attending church…and so on.
Asking “why” to derive a better “how” can change everything for you.
May I?
I’m intrigued by how little that question seems to appear in society today. There are a lot of folks telling others what they are going to do, but not many asking permission to do so. Asking permission is a sign of humility and respect. Therein lies the rub; humility and respect are in short supply in society today.
Obviously, not everything requires permission, but there are probably a lot more times when asking permission to speak or act would serve as an appropriately respectful and humble deference to the person being asked.
The examples can be subtle – “May I get that for you?” instead of grabbing something in the spirit of helping – or profound – “May I have your permission to marry your daughter?”
What about?
Einstein stated in an interview many years ago, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” Curiosity can lead to learning how to cast with a fly rod or how to travel to the moon, and a gazillion things in between.
Being curious leads to reading, learning new skills, taking risks, and rebounding after “failures.”
When I was curious how to do something as a kid, my dad would reply, “You ain’t gonna learn any younger.” I’ve carried that wisdom with me for a lot of years and it has encouraged me to try many new things, or to learn more about things I felt that I was already knowledgeable of or skilled at. And each time, I learned more or got better at it. Another Einstein insight: “I am neither clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.”
Once upon a time, there was a place where the curious would come together, not necessarily to be together, but to feed their curiosity, an appetite that is never fully satisfied. The place? Libraries. The last time that I went into one, I spotted only two other people and they were staff members. I think more feeding of curiosity should happen amidst paper pages not webpages.
The famous author, Dorothy Parker, said, “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” That’s a good thing.
All three of those questions have a common characteristic: slowing down. Slow down, pause, think, consider, ruminate, cogitate and ask those three questions. Your life will change.